An Extraordinary Rendition
by Satoshistar7
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale go on an apple-picking trip with the Them. What shenanigans will ensue with the Them? How will the angel and the demon be among the fruit that started it all? Take a look dear reader if you want to find out.


An Extraordinary Rendition

Crowley and Aziraphale go apple picking with Adam and the Them and shenanigans ensues. (One Shot)

**I do not own Good Omens nor it's cast of characters. That honor belongs to Misters Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Without their beloved book, there would be no bookshop angel or plant-threatening demon being brought to life on the silver screen by the incredible Michael Sheen and David Tenant.**

It was a golden autumn afternoon with a clear cloudless sky and pleasant chill in the air. Four eager children, (three boys and one girl*) and a little black n' white terrier, sat in the plush red leather back seat of a luxury gray and black Bentley. In the front there was a plump middle-aged man with white curls and twinkling blue eyes. He had timeless appearance of a well-read bibliophile with tartan bow tie and reading spectacles. He sat primly in the passenger seat, reading a first edition copy of _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. _

The acting chauffeur of the day was a sharp contrast to his companion. A dapper young man with short ginger hair swept slightly upwards, he was clad in a fashionable open black blazer with a sinfully dark undershirt, a belt with a serpent buckle, and dark fitted trousers. The round spiffy black sunglasses completed the cool image that he naturally cultivated with a lazy demeanor.

On the surface, the group, at a first glance, appeared to be the very definition of normal. However, when one of the children in the backseat was a former antichrist with a retired hell hound, the others temporary slayers of the apocalyptic horsemen, the front passenger an angel and the driver a demon, then it is very clear that the definition of normal was an antonym to who they really were.

The aforementioned shades of the demon,Crowley, were currently glaring daggers at the unholy scene before him. They were stuck at the gates of a large apple orchard, behind an obnoxiously long line of cars who all had the same idea to come out and harvest the first of autumn's fruits. On top of that he had been forced to add seatbelts to the Bentley at the insistence of the angel ("I don't care that Adam was the Anti-Christ! They are children and the law clearly states that they must have seatbelts!"). _One of the nine circles of Hell_, Crowley thought, _must be painfully inching forward in an agonizing gridlock with no end in sight_. While he was usually all for angry humans stuck in traffic, he did not care to be in it himself. But, in this case it must be argued that he had no right to complain considering that he was responsible for the creation of M25 traffic way and that he did not have to drive his Bentley into a magical burning inferno this time.

"Why is it that humans have the same bloody idea as we do to show up on a Saturday? Don't they have better things to do besides harvesting like their ancestors?" Crowley moaned irritability.

Aziraphale, the angel, sighed as he felt the back of his seat getting kicked for the second dozen time.

"Language Crowley! We promised we would take care of Adam and his friends today. This is the perfect chance express our gratitude for their part in saving the world last year. Surely, you can handle a little bit of traffic my dear. Plus, patience is after all a virtue." Crowley groaned inwardly, but took a selfish comfort at the fact that he was stuck with his Angel a little longer.

Suddenly, Aziraphale turned around and snapped with the tone of one who had endured an awful annoyance for far too long until they finally boiled over. He was remarkably reminiscent to an angry whistling teapot. _A rather fetching one_ Crowley thought privately, taking in the frustrated hue of pink on the angel's cheeks.

"And will you Mr. Adam and Miss Pepper, please stop kicking my seat this instant!"

Adam grinned sheepishly and placed his foot back on the ground. Pepper stared at him with a glint of insolence in her gaze, but slowly lowered her foot as well.

Crowley snickered at this. "Oh Angel what happened to practicing what you preach hmmm?" Aziraphale shot Crowley a glare that had it been from anyone else would've been a dirty look, but being who he was came out as affronted pout.

"Well at least the other two are acting better behaved. Perhaps young Adam and Pepper could learn from them."

Brian and Wensley had very wisely decided not to kick the driver's seat not out of any particular obligation to be well-behaved, but simply because they had the smart sense of self-preservation to not cross a demon. Particularly one who hissed gruesome threats to Ms. Young's trembling houseplants on the way out.

"I'm sorry Mr. Fell," Adam said with polite innocence. "It's just we've been in this car for quite a while and we've been trying not to ask the question are we there yet. We thought kicking a seat would be less annoying."

Dog whimpered in agreement as the Them, the children often referred themselves as, nodded their heads. Aziraphale's heart melted a little in the face of their pure reasoning. "Oh very well my dears," he sighed. "But for the sake of manners I must ask you all to not kick the front seat anymore."

Brian and Wensley finally cracked and spoke in unison with the tone of long-suffering patience that had officially snapped.

"Are we there yet?!" they cried out.

"We've been waiting for almost half an hour and the carbon omissions must not be good for the apple orchard," Pepper added snidely.

"All right enough of this," Crowley snarled. He snapped his fingers and suddenly, the cars in front of them began to peel away from the line, driving in the opposite direction in where the orchard was. All the drivers who made the traffic line ahead, had remembered leaving their stoves on at home. Aziraphale grumbled at the demon's antics, but more in fond exasperation than annoyance. Crowley flashed him a winning smirk, which caused his companion to smile faintly back.

Adam, and the Them cheered, and Dog barked happily as they cruised in at a much faster pace through the gates. Crowley swung his Bentley into a miraculously open parking space right beside the apple barn. The children tumbled out of the backseat into the parking lot, joyful at finally being free from their confinement, no matter how luxurious it was. Sunlight spilled through the laden apple trees, casting speckled shadows on the red dirt paths that twisted in different directions throughout the orchard. The group walked into the musty red barn, the waft of baking apples, cinnamon, and sunbaked hay bringing a cozy sense of nostalgia to all who inhaled it.

"Now remember ladies and gentlemen, we all must stay together so that we can get our bags at the cash register and pick our crop together." Aziraphale reminded them with the tone of a chaperoning school teacher. "We wouldn't want any of you to get lost."

Behind his back, Pepper rolled her eyes, Brian coughed discreetly in his hand, and Wensleydale polished his spectacles in a rather nervous fashion. The angel had not known that they were a too old for this sort of thing, but nevertheless they decided to humor him for just a little bit. After all he did help their friend Adam save the world and not become the harbinger of doom. Besides, they all had special instructions from Adam, to act on and they were waiting for the right moment to carry them out. Crowley, however, could clearly sense that they were obviously plotting something, and the devil forbid that he would do anything to really stop them. Mentally, sitting back with a metaphorical bowl of popcorn, Crowley waited to see what they would do. Aziraphale happily and obliviously handed out the apple bags to the children. "Thank you, Mr. Fell," each one said politely, before they looked towards Adam who winked cheerfully at them. At that moment, they promptly took off running in all different directions.

"Wait! Where are you all going? Come back children! If you don't your parents will be very angry with you!" Aziraphale yelped at their audacity.

Crowley cackled as his Angel ran around looking like a chicken with its head cut off trying to figure out which child to go after first. He clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Relax they'll be fine Aziraphale! Let the hellions run loose and stretch their legs. They've been in the car for a while and honestly I'm surprised they didn't act up sooner."

Aziraphale sniffed irritably, before stepping (almost reluctantly) out of his hold.

"Well technically Adam was the Spawn of Satan, but the others could potentially give him a run for his money," He muttered. "I should've known they were up to something. I have briefly taken the role of a schoolteacher for at least a few years. One would think I would've gotten a knack for these shenanigans."

"Yeah, I'm surprised that you put yourself through that hell, angel," Crowley said with an impressed stare. "But when was the last time you ever taught school children and what age group?"

Aziraphale averted his gaze from the demon's own expectant one. He very badly tried to change the subject.

"I say dear boy we need to get our own bags so that way we can pick some of those scrummy looking apples." He hurriedly snatched two bags and shoved one into an amused Crowley's chest, before quickly walking towards the direction of their wayward charges. Crowley took several long strides to catch up to him. He swiftly slipped his arm underneath the Angel's causing him to be yanked back with an undignified squawk.

"Now hold on. You can't just bring that up and not elaborate on it," Crowley protested playfully.

"It was an all-boys Catholic Secondary school fifty years ago!" Aziraphale ground out in a tone thick with embarrassment. He tried to wiggle his arm out from Crowley's interlocked grasp, but to no avail. Clearly, he wasn't getting out of this without an explanation. "I was the dance instructor and substitute teacher for all of the staff. How was I supposed to know that the gavotte had gone out of style?!"

Crowley laughed loudly as they strolled beneath the apple trees.

"So…did you teach those young lads to shake their tail feathers?" He sniggered.

"They didn't have wings Crowley!" He sniped defensively. Taking pity on him, Crowley released his hold on him, and walked ahead a few steps before turning around to face him.

"Figure of speech angel. Now you've made me laugh so hard that I'm thirsty. Since we have no alcohol on hand at the moment I guess an apple will do…" he reached up to snake his slender fingers around the fruit above him.

"Now really the sign clearly states that no apples are to be eaten before purchase!" Aziraphale protested indignantly. He moved towards Crowley with a stern look on his face until he was right in front of the thieving serpent, raising a hand as if to stop him from picking the apple.

"And how many do you really think follow that rule Angel?" Crowley shot back with a chuckle. Grinning he let his glasses slip a little down his nose, so that Aziraphale could see his golden serpent eyes which were gleaming in amusement. Aziraphale paused for a moment, lowering his hand as he considered his words. Quickly before the angel could change his mind, Crowley plucked a red golden honey crisp apple from the bough above and sank his teeth into it with an audible crunch. He let out a loud and shameless groan of enjoyment as the cool sweet juice ran down his parched throat. Gently, with one hand, he pushed a branch down towards the scowling Angel, the plump fruit dangling inches from his nose. Aziraphale went cross-eyed for a moment in surprise.

"It's delicious Angel," Crowley murmured enticingly in his ear. His voice was a soft and sibilant hiss. "Just one bite...what's the harm?"

Aziraphale swallowed hard, feeling Crowley's warm breath on his cheek and eyes riveted on the succulent apple, but he growled in irritation.

"One bite. Really Crowley? Really? Don't you remember what happened last time? Or has age made you senile you old serpent?"

"Of course I remember. Good times eh?" He winked at his fuming and somewhat flustered companion.

"Why are you doing this?" He demanded, glancing sideways at Crowley, who was now contently resting his chin on his shoulder. Just like his serpent form, which more than once hitched a ride on Aziraphale's shoulders whenever he was feeling tired or extra lazy.

"Because not only you deserve to lighten up after the whole Armageddon debacle, but wouldn't it be nice to just once flick the proverbial bird at our former head offices?" He replied sincerely. Crowley could see the Angel's resolve starting to waver. Inwardly his countenance was sporting a serpentine smirk of satisfaction, knowing full well how this was going to go. Outwardly, his expression was downright earnest and innocent that even Dog would have a hard time rivaling with. Reaching over his shoulder he snapped the apple's stem from its branch and gently placed it in the angel's hands, allowing his fingertips to linger for a moment against his. Aziraphale went very still, suddenly aware of their close proximity.

"So what if we got to lose now?" He whispered soothingly. "First step eating an apple. Second step trying out things that heaven up until this point would've never allowed you to do. Besides, God's plan is ineffable, and don't you think we would've been smited a long time ago if she didn't give us free will?"

Aziraphale's eyes shined in remembrance of the joy they shared together after thwarting their own destruction from their respective offices and the feeling of utter freedom from their roles as hereditary enemies. Despite his devout belief in God and the ineffable Plan, the truth was he did still feel the "slightest" hint of vindictiveness at heaven's callous disregard of the preserving the earth, along with trying to wipe out humanity simply (as Adam so charmingly put it) "to figure out which gang was the best" by going to war against hell.

Crowley held his breath in anticipation as he watched Aziraphale smile brilliantly before sinking his teeth into the apple. His blue eyes widened for a moment before closing in pure pleasure. Chewing slowly, he let out a very satisfied sigh at the fresh sweetness of the slightly pilfered treat.

"That's it, Angel," Crowley coaxed. "I promise no one is around to scold you for eating an apple. Well our respective offices are probably watching, but they definitely are not inclined to stop us."

Aziraphale took another bite, all self-consciousness gone, as he felt a fierce and savage happiness sweep through him. The thought of Gabriel, and the other angels glaring helplessly from above at his and Crowley's extraordinary rendition* of the first original sin, brought a heady and utterly smug sensation of satisfaction over Aziraphale. He sent a quiet prayer of apology to God, but really could not bring himself to regret his actions.

Opening his eyes, he realized that he not only finished his apple, but that Crowley had moved himself away from his shoulder and was now directly standing in front of him. His shades were gone as he looked at him with gleaming golden eyes, utter pride and something which until now neither Crowley nor himself dared to admit out loud, shining clearly in the autumn sunlight.

There was no big fanfare. No smiting light from heaven or vengeful flames from hell at their actions. Just two final pieces of a puzzle that were finally coming together after being left unfinished for 6,001 years. Neither knew who moved first, but when they stepped into each other's arms and proceed to share a kiss that had been awaited throughout the ages, the world felt completed at last.

Warmth and the overwhelming feeling of sheer belonging, swept over Crowley as his thin lips moved chastely against Aziraphale's own soft, full ones. Both could taste delectable remnants of the apples they consumed together, but no fruit, or wine could match the taste of love re-equated.

Aziraphale sighed happily as he lifted his mouth away from Crowley's for a brief moment. Gently he tugged a red-faced Crowley closer until their chests were pressed against each other's and their foreheads resting together. No words were needed as Aziraphale reverently cradled the back Crowley's head before pulling him down to kiss him again. Feeling their hearts of their corporations beat together as one, Crowley finally understood exactly why Shakespeare and all other human poets and musicians kept nattering on and on about love.

His eyes slid slowly shut to enjoy the rapturous attentions of his angel. And if one had been listening carefully that day, one could almost hear an ethereal voice on the wind whispering the word _finally_. Colorful autumn leaves swirled around the couple in celebration, but neither were paying any attention to anything happening around them apart from the tiny bit of the world that they were sharing right then and now. Crowley and Aziraphale had found their own side over a year ago. It was only now, that they had finally taken this last step away from their predetermined constraints as an Angel and a Demon.

Pepper, Brian, Wensley, and Adam were peering through the apple trees at their wayward chaperones. Dog yipped softly with excitement at the scent of his newest pack members nearby, before Adam quickly shushed him.

"I told you there was something going on between them," Pepper crowed quietly in triumph. Adam grinned fondly at his two embracing godfathers. Just because he had renounced his role as the Anti-Christ didn't mean he didn't have a little power left to ensure that no one would come across them at the moment.

"All we needed to do was to get them alone in the orchard. I knew they couldn't resist reenacting their history. After all Mr. Fell did say he was on apple tree duty and that Mr. Crowley was a wily old serpent. After looking into Mum's Bible it wasn't that hard to put two and two together," Adam said cheerfully.

"I won the bet Wensley," Brian crowed happily to his crestfallen companion. "You owe me ice cream the next time."

"Yes, yes all right," Wensley groaned, his face still slightly pink from the embarrassment of witnessing the snogging session happening beyond their hiding place."

Crowley and Aziraphale had finally broke apart, breathing hard, but with contented expressions. Their hands were still clasped together and Crowley leaned down to whisper in his Angel's ear. Aziraphale flushed even more if possible with an indignant expression ready to say something, before closing his mouth with a bashful smile. He took Crowley's hand and lead him deeper into the apple grove. The demon flashed an ominous, but knowing glance in their general direction, causing the children to shiver slightly. He smirked widely at their reactions, with the promise of mischief and gratitude, before turning away.

"Well I guess we better watch our backs for a while," Adam mused thoughtfully.

"Was it worth it to bring down the wrath or at the very least the pranks of a demon on us?" wavered Wensley.

"Absolutely," Pepper chided, a rare and soft look on her otherwise tough and no-nonsense expression. "They don't need to follow society's gender norms on what makes a couple, so therefore I approve."

"So... let's go and have our own fun shall we?" Adam said and the Them followed.

For the rest of the day the children wandered around enjoying the prickly hay cart ride, the hot sweet apple cider and the delicious warm cinnamon sugar donuts from the barn's bakery.

Meanwhile their rather inattentive chaperones part took in sampling orchard's bountiful vineyard wines, homemade hard (alcohol) ciders and of course each other. That part of the story however would remain known to only themselves alone.

Hours later, Crowley and Aziraphale found themselves on a hilltop overlooking the orchard, sitting contently on a miracled tartan blanket. The angel's head rested comfortably on the demon's lap. Crowley's right hand carded his fingers through Aziraphale's angel white curls, and occasionally reached down with his left to trace his kiss swollen lips, drawing a deep hum of contentment. He shivered as he felt the warm vibration against his hand, still hardly daring to believe that this was not all a dream. Crowley could see Adam and his friends clearly from their vantage point, but they were enjoying their privacy from their prying eyes. With a deep exhale he noticed the sun finally beginning to set behind the trees, casting long cool black shadows over the orchard. He softly nudged Aziraphale's shoulder.

"It's time to go home Angel," Crowley said reluctantly into his ear.

"Can we not stay a little longer my dear?" Aziraphale pleaded, eyes still closed.

"Afraid not. Besides aren't you supposed to be the responsible one?" he teased. Aziraphale let out one tiny groan of complaint before slowly sitting up and giving him a warm look that stole his breath away. Carefully, Aziraphale leaned forward, placed a tiny peck on the snake tattoo on Crowley's temple before delicately putting his sunglasses back on over his eyes. Smiling, Aziraphale turned and walked away. His grin widened at hearing Crowley hiss in pleasure, before the demon scrambled back up to his feet to catch up to the whistling angel.

At the end of the day all the children and their little dog too, were passed out in the backseat with piles of apples in their bags stored safely in the Bentley's trunk. Their faces were sticky with the juice of apples, cider, and cinnamon sugar. Jeans and sneakers covered in dust and dirt from their excursion in the orchard. Aziraphale and Crowley drove with Queens playing quietly in the background, tired and content as their passengers. Night had fallen, but the moon was full and the headlights lit the way.

_Somebody. Somebody. Somebody to-o-o love._

"Crowley…" Aziraphale murmured quietly, so as not to disturb them.

_Somebody._

"Yes Angel?"

_Somebody._

"Thank you. For this wonderful day," he said warmly.

"It's nothing Ang-"

Crowley stopped in mid-sentence as he felt a warm hand cover the top of his own. Crowley's heart lurched at the thought of having touches like this in their future, every day for their immortal lives. The prospect of having such sweet familiarity, brought an ache of happiness in his chest that he never felt before.

_Somebody come and find me..._

"And for standing beside me these past 6,000 years. Even when I claimed that I didn't like you and that we weren't friends you still didn't give up on me. I am so sorry I put you through that."

He kissed the back of his hand in a tender and almost courtly manner. Crowley muttered "Shut-up," but a pleased blush appeared on his face, along with a soft smile that no one, except his Angel, would witness.

_Somebody to love._

"I knew you still cared even when you said otherwise. We were still bound by Heaven and Hell's rule, but I couldn't stand losing you. That's why I was willing to risk their wrath when I asked you to run away with me."

Aziraphale inhaled sharply, his grip tightening on his hand. For a moment emotion stole his ability to speak and his eyes became suspiciously bright. Taking a deep breath to regain some composure, his voice came out more shakily than he cared for.

"My dear boy..."

"It's all right Angel. I said some things I wasn't proud of either. You forgave me,"

Here Crowley paused, clearing his throat. "Sorry. Demons don't usually say this but please believe it coming from me. I forgive you." At those words Aziraphale blinked back a hot stinging sensation behind his eyes as sheer love and relief swept through him like a crashing wave. Crowley made a smooth turn into Adam's driveway, stopping the car as quietly as possible. The children still slumbered on as Crowley cupped the side of Aziraphale's face, searching his gaze for a sign.

Aziraphale sighed contently, leaned into his touch and it was then that Crowley knew his words were believed in.

"Could we perhaps make this an annual tradition? Apple picking?" Aziraphale asked in a lighter tone.

"If only to remind our former offices not to mess with us." Crowley replied, his eyes twinkling with unrestrained mirth.

"Of course, my dear," Aziraphale laughed softly with an equally knowing grin that was certainly not angelic. Still smiling, Crowley covered his wicked grin with a tender kiss.

"I love you, Angel," he breathed against his lips.

"And the feeling is mutual," Aziraphale whispered back. "For the rest of eternity if you'll have me."

"Always."

It would not be until morning when Adam and his friends would wake up to discover curly fine black magician mustaches drawn on their faces which would remain on them for a solid week. While it was difficult to explain to their parents their new looks, the Them rather took to their false facial hair, claiming that it made them look more grown up (With the exception Pepper, who took it as an opportunity to remind them that women could dress as men thank you very much and that facial hair did not define maturity or masculinity).

However, Adam and his friends also enjoyed a string of surprisingly real-life enactments of their made-up adventures in Tadfield, with a grinning demon and a smiling angel well hidden in the background of their grand escapades. They knew that their chaperones were behind this and took it in good spirits.

Unlikely and ineffable, the Serpent and the Angel of Eden had left the garden together, defying heaven and hell to save all of humanity, the world that had grown on them, and to love freely without shame.

*No matter how many gentlemen or boys are in the group, ladies and girls must be mentioned as well. The Them boys were very quick to oblige lest they risk the wrath of Pepper.

** An extraordinary rendition was once uttered by the Archangel Gabriel after rather rudely sending his angelic colleagues to abduct Aziraphale (a disguised Crowley) from St. James Park in broad daylight.

**I will confess that my descriptions of apple-picking was inspired by my own experiences of visiting my favorite apple orchard every autumn since I was a child. I hope that you dear readers all enjoyed this little yarn and any delicious apple treats that catch your fancy. Please review and give me feedback, but leave out any unkind words or flames.**


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